This is a copy of a letter/email sent to the family recently. It makes a rather long post, but it gives me an easy way to bring my readers into our world and have a peek at how we're handling our journey into the "Golden Years".
Dear Family:
Here's our update on our present situation:
As I reported in February, Clinton has a great need for a regular routine. The routine is even more important now as the dementia deepens.
I'm glad to report that we have been able to resume last year's schedule of 3X weekly exercise habit at the Recreation Center. This is very beneficial to both of us, and we'll continue as long as we're able.
Clinton is still driving. He has no problem finding his way to 5 different destinations we follow regularly. He no longer drives to the new Kroger Marketplace because he consistently gets lost there. We both use different ‘settings’ in our one car (side mirror, rear-view mirror and seat). I often drive to church for weekday Mass, and so if we’re going somewhere else later in the day, he is perfectly content to let me drive to the second place rather than go through the hassle of changing the ‘settings’. He has difficulty getting the side view mirror ‘just right’ and dislikes dealing with it – I think it will discourage him from driving very often. We will have Tim give him another “driving test” to evaluate his skills soon.
First, I want to relate the Good News, and then I’ll discuss Dad’s continuing Decline.
· What’s good is that he still has his routine of Helper duties which he has chosen to do in order to free me from some of the daily grind. He prepares his own breakfast and lunch plus any snacks he needs. I now have to suggest a menu of choices for these meals. He can’t figure out what would be appropriate for the time frame allotted for the meal. I still prepare our evening meal for both of us.
· He cleans up the kitchen after himself as well as doing dishes after the evening meal. When I observe that he’s very tired, I offer to do the K.P., but he almost always insists that it’s his job and he’ll do it. He gathers up the trash all week long for our Monday morning trash pickup. On Sunday night we both go through the house to empty waste baskets, newspapers, etc. He walks the Trash can out to the end of the driveway with cane in hand. Only a few times has he allowed me to do that job. He is insistent that he do all he CAN do, and I do what I can do.
· He is still able to dress himself and perform all his personal hygiene. He needs and accepts help in choosing appropriate clothing for the occasions of the day, and based on temperature/weather predictions.
· He is still socially adept – greeting people with hugs, leaning over to talk to a child and appearing in public as a competent but disabled sweet old guy. He has a lot of admirers in the stores, at Church and anywhere he goes, he charms people with his gentle and kind demeanor.
The bad news is that he is definitely slipping. At home with me, he needs a lot of care and attention. He has a lot of little ‘crises’, especially when it comes to electronics. He pushes wrong buttons and spoils the settings for his radios, TV and computer. It’s all stuff that I can set right for him and those things have just become a part of daily life. I’ve had to ask him not to answer the telephone anymore. We have call-waiting and he can’t hear/understand the spoken ID and can’t see to read the l.e.d. notification. That confuses him and causes some anxiety/uncertainty as to whether or not he should pick it up. I’ve told him that if I’m not available to answer the phone – just let it go to message. So if you don’t get an answer, please be sure to start talking because he’ll answer when he recognizes your voice or your name.
As for me, I continue to recover from the 11-6-09 significant stroke. Each week I discover that more healing has occurred and I now have good energy, my sense of humor has returned, chores (like cooking) that were once difficult functions for me to execute, are now easy. To my amazement, I find that my body is able to obey every command of my mind. “Whose body IS this?” I ask myself. It doesn’t act like the body I was in before the stroke. My conclusion is that the old pathways that were destroyed by the stroke were in pretty bad shape. The new pathways are far better than the old ones.
I’m still an old woman with many health issues, but I don’t experience any discomfort or lack of ability from my many serious conditions. I don’t have much strength, but my energy makes up for it, and the strength will improve as we continue to exercise at the Recreation Center.
I have way more to do than there are hours in the day. However, my mind is able to organize things into priorities, and I think (I hope) I’m getting the most important things done in a timely manner. I’ve finished the book “Learning how to speak Alzheimer’s” and it has salvaged my sanity. From it, I’ve learned how to avoid the ‘stacking effect’ of stress, how to cope with Dad’s idiosyncrasies and divert him from rash judgments and unwise actions. It’s like raising a toddler while still respecting his adulthood. Just as you can’t reason with a child, you can’t reason with a person who has lost reason. I’ve learned to let him finish his sentences! (once a bad habit of mine) That alone has helped him maintain his dignity.
The lessons from the book have greatly reduced my stress level and I no longer feel like I’m walking on eggs. I make mistakes, but they are far fewer than a few months ago.
His Spiritual life is quite vibrant. I consider him a Saint. “…for while the outward man is perishing, the inner man is renewed day by day…” Truly God’s Mercies are new every morning.
Please continue to hold us up in prayer that we will allow God to lead us. We’ve never been on this road before…..we don’t know the way. Pray that God will truly be a light to our path and a lamp unto our feet. On second thought, let’s all pray the same for each other. None of us has yet traveled the road that lies ahead.
This is going out in time to wish each of you a Happy Easter.
Love,
Mom, Grandma (et al)
infants
Reagan Brindle
Heather surrounded by love.